Ollie
I stared at myself and let out a gusty sigh at what I saw in the mirror. No matter how often I tried to tell myself that my best friends, Leeson and Victor, were right, that my weight didn’t define me as a human, sometimes it was damn hard to see their point of view. The gym I’d signed up to revealed just how flawed I was. How was I supposed to compete with washboard abs, cum gutters, waxed bodies, and fake bits?
Okay, I’m not ugly. I suppose I’m attractive in more of a pretty way. Not drop dead gorgeous, like most of the Littles I saw on the app—one I’d signed up to months ago, hoping to find someone who might like me—who had killer smiles, full of veneers. My front teeth were a little crooked because I secretly liked to suck my thumb, a habit my mother had never managed to break me from, despite the awful stuff she painted my thumbs with as a child.
Seeing the ‘boys’ on the app looking all pretty, dressed in tight-fitting clothes to show off their bodies, made me cringe and head straight for the cookie jar I had in my bedroom for just such occasions. All of this was what led me to head for the mirror, just so I could reinforce my issues to myself like the loser I was. Long ago, I’d concluded I’d never post a picture of myself dressed in the little outfit I’d gained the courage to buy the year before. I had only worn it twice, each time in the privacy of my bedroom. This was mainly because I lived with Victor, and when I was home, so was he.
It saddened me that I couldn’t find the courage to just tell my friends what I liked. I knew they’d be supportive—I hoped they would, if I ever got the courage to be honest. Only how did one tell their friends they liked to be Little and get taken care of by a Daddy?
It wasn’t the type of conversation that was easy to have, or so I’d found, the couple of times I’d tried to discuss it. Leeson, who was so happy with Garrett and liked to have his bottom spanked, wasn’t quite the same. Then there was Victor, who I could see was feeling more confident about putting himself out there after all the crap with his ex. The same ex Leeson had dated before Victor. Davey was a monster and had finally gotten his just desserts because Victor had met Lesson, who’d offered to help him. The rest was history and why I swapped Lesson—who moved in with his fiancé—as a flatmate, to Victor. And I couldn’t see that Victor would get what I liked because he was just re-discovering dating.
“Sorry, but how much longer are you gonna hog the bathroom? I’m busting for a pee,” Victor called through the locked door, banging on it to make his point.
I flushed the loo and pretended to wash my hands, so as not to make the reason I was in there too obvious. Standing staring at myself had become a habit I’d developed since joining a dating app and subsequently the gym. The dating app and Leeson’s up-and-coming wedding the following year were the reason I was back to trying to get fit once more. Doing that at Christmas was madness when there were so many sweets, treats, and chocolates around.
They all called to me and I was positive the men in the section of the app where Daddies looked for boys, weren’t looking for a chubby boy who couldn’t stop eating all his feelings. But I was still trying, so for me the app was a last-ditch attempt at trying to find a Daddy. Because how else was I going to find one when I lived in a tiny town and there was nothing kinkier than the chance of old man Watson forgetting to put pants on and flash folks on the main street?
Yes, most of the men on the app were in other cities and towns, none close by, but if I was truthful, that was probably for the best. Then I wouldn’t have to meet them in person and see their disappointment. This way, I figured I could chat and feel included without really putting myself out there. I’d get to experience maybe a little of what it was like to have a Daddy, just from a distance.
I opened the door, forcing my lips into a smile, because I didn’t need another lecture when I was feeling miserable. “All yours.”
Victor darted past me, practically dancing as he came to a stop and went straight for the zipper on his low-slung jeans. He was slender to the point of skinny from the waist down and his jeans hung off his slim hips. I’d give anything to have his build.
“Hello! I’m still in the room,” I said, holding back a genuine grin when he wiggled his ass, cock in hand, and groaned as he peed.
I darted out the door, slamming it shut on his laughter.
I really wished he and I were more compatible, but we weren’t. Plus, I knew he fancied Denton, who was dating Nese, a girl who worked with Victor in the chocolate shop that Leeson ran with his fiancé. We all appeared to like complicated!
Leeson is engaged, that’s not complicated, I was quick to remind myself, grinning at thoughts of being a groomsman for my best friend. We were heading off on a cruise, or we would be once it was all sorted out. As yet, I’d not said anything to Victor as Leeson wanted to ask him to be his groomsman with me and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.
Leeson had a few things to work out with family and such, so I agreed to stay schtum until he was ready to tell everyone. I hoped he would say something soon, or I might burst and spill my guts. I’d never been good at keeping secrets, especially when they were the joyous kind.
I blew out a breath and headed for the couch, sinking down and considering how to entertain myself. Then, I heard the water running in the shower. I eyed the closed door before rolling onto my hip to tug out my cell phone.
The dating app logo was pretty, with a pink heart and gold edging. Giving another quick look over my shoulder at the closed bathroom door, and listening out to hear Victor moving around inside, I opened it up.
Victor usually liked to shower after a day at work. I had paid a visit to the chocolate shop on my way home and it had been packed with folks all looking for gifts to buy for Christmas, which was only five days away. Leeson and Garret did a special theme each year, and this year was no different. They’d gone all out on a winter wonderland theme. Everything on display was made of chocolate. Leeson had won awards for his chocolate constructions.
I grinned to myself at how proud I was of him then opened my dating profile. I navigated to the chatroom that was exclusively for those who had signed up to the Daddy-Boy area. My heart skipped several beats and thoughts of chocolate sculptures disappeared when I saw who was logged on.
I didn’t need to check the time to know why I’d logged on, because who was I kidding? I’d studied when Beck74 came into the chat room. He always visited in the evening around seven pm and only on weekdays, but not every day.
There was no point thinking about what he did on his weekends that prevented him from using the chat room, because it was not my business.
Boyfriend. He’s got a boyfriend.
“Oh shut up,” I mumbled to myself, looking for the hundredth time at the strong features of the attractive face on his profile picture at the side of the chat column. Dark piercing eyes looked directly at the camera while he grinned at whoever had taken the shot. If I secretly hated that person when I daydreamed Beck74 was mine, it hurt no one.
Each time I came online and got the chance to chat with him, I’d leave wanting to know more about him. Would he come online over the Christmas holidays? Christmas was a Monday this year, which was usually a day for him to be online. Would Christmas be any different for him? A slither of disappointment rooted its way past the pleasure of finding him present on the app. Did he have a boy at home, and this was just… what?
It was a question that ran amok through my head despite how badly I wanted to believe he was really single and looking for a boyfriend who was into what he liked—just like me.
He’ll never be interested in you!
My shoulders slumped, even as the message bubbles appeared in my chat box.
Beck74: Hey Ollie, how’s your week going?
I stared at the words, sucking my lower lip between my teeth. We’d been messaging like this for several weeks now. And if Beck74 hadn’t been on for a day or two, he always started by asking me how my week was going. It made me feel all warm inside and led me back down Alice’s rabbit hole.
Roly_Ollie: It’s been manic in the gallery, we are shutting tomorrow at lunchtime for the holidays, and we have a show on, which is generating some interest.
As I finished typing, I checked it for spelling mistakes before I hit send. Seeing the chat bubbles dance on the screen almost straight away, a fluttering rose up in my chest like always. I felt like Beck74 singled me out for chat. I’d used a picture of my lower face and me sucking my thumb, my dimples on show for my profile. Was it false advertisement?
Probably, but the chances of us ever meeting were probably a zillion to one, so I didn’t care. I hoped he’d imagine me looking like most of the other boys. It stung a little if I thought too hard about him actually doing that, but I shoved it aside to live the dream that he was mine, just while we chatted.
A noise interrupted my thoughts, and I glanced at the bathroom door. Shit! The shower had stopped. I scrambled to get up off the couch and headed to my bedroom. Losing the opportunity to chat freely with Beck74 wasn’t even a consideration. Victor would just think I’d gone to bed early. I shut the door quietly behind me and went to flop onto the bed, getting comfortable with several pillows under my head.
A while back, I’d bought myself a phone pillow to hold my cell and leave my hands free. I placed it on my belly, which I’d used for inspiration for my username. I was ‘Roly’ in the middle. The pillow balanced well with its beans, or whatever it had been weighted with. It has dinosaurs on it which made it pretty cool, despite it being practical.
I could easily type one handed while I sucked my thumb, which was my favored position when talking to Beck74.
Beck74: How was the show last weekend? Did the artist throw a fit at the broken pieces?
My lips curved into a smile that he remembered what I’d said about the issue with a recent delivery. Some days, it amazed me that he remembered what we talked about. The message chat got cleared once a day, so I knew he wasn’t scrolling back, trying not to get caught out. He appeared to enjoy our chats as much as me—or I hoped he did.
Roly_Ollie: He did, but thankfully I wasn’t in the line of fire for very long. My boss was able to get him to calm down. But I got why he was upset when he’d worked hard to get all those pieces made, only to have the delivery company not be careful.
I sighed into my empty room recalling just how loud the artist had gotten and how he wanted to sue whoever was responsible for the damage. That he’d looked directly at me as the assistant who dealt with unpacking the pieces wasn’t great. I’d had to take a couple of minutes in the restroom alone to suck my thumb and get myself together after my boss intervened and explained we’d discovered the broken pottery together.
Beck74: Sounds stressful. Did you get time to do something to make yourself feel better afterwards?
I’d been very honest—in the chat—about not having a Daddy. In truth, I’d never had one but I hadn’t told Beck74 that because who wanted a newbie? Someone who might think they were just playing a game?
I’d discovered some time in my teens that I liked to be Little. When I’d accidentally overheard a conversation between a couple once in a shopping mall, I’d become intrigued enough to search some words they’d used. Daddies and boys/girls, specifically Little boys at the time, were ones that made sense to me.
I craved the connection I witnessed online between couples that lived this type of lifestyle. My weight issue made it hard for me to be open when folks could, and had, been mean to me. It had taken me months to get up the courage to join the app I currently used, after it came recommended as a safe place to meet and talk to other boys/Littles and Daddies.
So far they’d been right, except for how most of the boys/Littles were far sexier than I could ever be.
Beck74: You still there Ollie? Is everything okay? Do you need to go into private chat mode?
Realizing I’d zoned out, I jerked on the bed and my thumb rammed against my top teeth as I tried to save my phone. Private chat! We’d only done it once before when I was upset about comments I’d overheard at the gym about me ‘wobbling all over the place’. Their words, not mine.
Roly_Ollie: I am. I’m okay. If you aren’t busy, then that would be nice…
About to type Daddy, I stopped myself at the last second, like I always did, even after he told me I could call him that in our private chat.
Beck74: You know I’d like it if you wanted to call me Daddy. I’m gonna switch now.
Sometimes it was spooky how he knew what I was thinking when he didn’t know me, or not really know me.
He disappeared as the screen alerted me to an incoming private message and my heart rammed hard against my ribs. I sucked harder on my thumb, gazing at the screen as I pressed the accept button to allow him to speak to me with no one seeing. This side of the chat allowed for video messaging, too. It therefore had a few more safety aspects, which meant I had to accept the request to prevent targeting by unwanted guys. No one had ever targeted me. In fact, Beck74 was the first man to even request to talk in private with me.
Beck74: Did you buy the coloring book I suggested?
Roly_Ollie: I did! Do you want to see?
Beck74: Yes please, sweet boy.
I beamed at the screen, my thumb slipping free as I moved the pillow off my belly and onto the mattress. I reached under my bed to grab the coloring book I hid under there when I was finished with it. I had a box for my Little things that I kept in the closet, out of the way. Not that Victor was nosy or would ever go through my stuff, it was just a habit to clear up after myself.
I took a picture of what I’d done and sent it, my tongue between my teeth as I held my breath to see what he’d think. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, I eyed the picture I’d colored. I’d kept mostly in the lines and used glitter pens. They were the best to make it sparkly, which I loved.
Beck74: Oh, it’s beautiful, sweet boy. Look at all the colors you used. Are they the pens I recommended as well?
I wiggled in excitement and all the awfulness of my gym visit was forgotten, along with my need to eat chocolate.
Roly_Ollie: You can tell?
Beck74: I can. You did a wonderful job. I have a space on my refrigerator where it would look great.
Roly_Ollie: I can send it to you, Daddy.
The second I realized what I’d written in my excitement, I’d already hit send. Doubt, the killer of all joy, kicked in. Was I so desperate I needed to push? I could already see myself getting blocked. I’d done so well not to come across as needy and now this, on only our second private chat. I wanted to slap myself upside the head.
Beck74: I would love that very much.
I blinked and read the message no less than six times.
He would like it?
I buried my hot cheeks into my hands, then split my fingers to look at the screen once more, seeing the message bubbles appear. My breath hitching with excitement.
Beck74: My address is…